An email received. Venom thinly veiled in terse official language.
The ongoing struggle to understand, to make sense out of inexplicable decisions, actions, words. Maybe it's because of this... Maybe it was that.... Could it have been because of this....?
Scenarios imagined. Explanations speculated. Stories replayed and replayed.
I don't think we're going to get to understand. I think we're to walk in faith and dignity and gentleness in the midst of the fog. We're to find peace in the confusion, peace that flows only from faith. From a faith that is stretched to capacity, but lengthened and strengthened because of the stretching.
But I did read something interesting this afternoon while waiting in the carpool line, something that resonated with at least one of my speculations. Nathan Foster writes in Wisdom Chaser of his experience hiking Mount Elbert, the tallest mountain in Colorado, with his father, Richard Foster:
Somewhere in the haze of our strenuous activity, I remembered a day from the past. After not being allowed to attend my best friend's birthday party, I had thrown the biggest fit of my life. I remember standing on my bed, screaming at Dad. He countered me, doing the stern father thing, and we went back and forth, fighting for power. Then my father did the strangest thing: he knelt down and closed his eyes. This act enraged me all the more. I demanded that he get up and fight me. But his only posture was silence. What was he doing? Was he being weak? Shutting me out? I didn't understand it, but eventually it stopped the fight. (p. 19)An explanation? A challenge? Merely something to consider? I'm not going to try to know.
No that's not true. When my husband arrives home, I'll read the passage to him. And we'll talk and rehash and try to understand. We'll stay up too late. Again.
But maybe we'll be that much closer to a posture of silence. And peace.
I will pray for you... Times like these are difficult to work through sometimes. I know God will give you peace and direction, and in His time, you will look back and see how far you've come... and you might even smile. Til then, we'll pray. Just remember that the thoughts and actions of others cannot ever define who we are created to be. Big hugs and much love.
ReplyDeleteI love this, especially the part about walking in faith and dignity and gentleness:
ReplyDelete"I don't think we're going to get to understand. I think we're to walk in faith and dignity and gentleness in the midst of the fog. We're to find peace in the confusion, peace that flows only from faith. From a faith that is stretched to capacity, but lengthened and strengthened because of the stretching." Beautiful truths.
I know you have probably heard this a hundred times but I know it is true: God is using this, yes; even this hard thing, for His good plans for you. And of all this stretching is going to be necessary for something new.
I'm praying for you, too, friend :)