Nationals

I'm at the National Forensics League Tournament with my daughter and six other freshmen-to-be.  We're here with a few kids from our high school and two coaches.  The high schoolers have already begun competing.  This afternoon, they'll learn if they've made the first cut from around 400 competitors per event to the sixty continuing on.  Tomorrow, the middle school competition begins, and so, our fun hang-out-a-little-and-work-a-little pace will shift.  Adrenaline will begin to pump.  The drama will commence, literally, figuratively.

Today in this calm before the storm, I ruminate on my own Nationals story, one perhaps better described as a non-Nationals story.  A story I have told few people, because really it's not that interesting to anyone but me.  I am tempted tell my story to people here, because here causes me to remember, but this is not the place for telling.  Now is not my story.

Still, it's a story that has shaped me.  One that bubbles up in my consciousness from time to time accompanied not so much by sadness, regret or bitterness, but more by bewilderment.  We all have these stories, stories we seldom tell but that make us who we are.  Occasionally, we take them out, turn them over in our minds, examining the many facets, ruminating.

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I participated in a number of high school activities, but Debate and Forensics were my passion.  I was pretty good, so the passion was not misplaced. Though I dabbled in a variety of forensics events, Original Oratory (a ten-minute persuasive speech) was my favorite.  I did well in this event.

As a sophomore, I placed third in our region's national qualifying tournament.  The top two advance to nationals.  To have done so well at this age was impressive at the time, and it felt like a promise of great potential.  One day, I would undoubtedly be competing in Nationals.  That seemed certain.

The next year, I encountered controversy early in the season.  While preparing to write my oratory, I had flipped through several old Vital Speeches magazines seeking topic ideas and I had chosen as a springboard a speech about fear of failure.  Because the speech was from several years earlier, I was surprised to discover at one of the season's first tournaments that a competitor from another school had consulted the very same article.  In fact, she had not only consulted the magazine, she had plagiarized almost the entire speech.  (Interesting that she chose to plagiarize a speech about fear of failure.)

I told my forensics coach, but as far as I know, he did nothing.  The girl attended the school where he had just worked as an assistant coach before taking the head coaching position at my school.  I'm sure it was complicated for him.  Perhaps he did say something and the coach at her school did nothing.  Either way, she continued to compete with an unchanged speech throughout the season. 

She was a good speaker.  I was a good speaker.  Because we had the same topic, when we competed head-to-head, the person who delivered her speech first usually fared better.  We traded victories back and forth throughout the season.

At the national qualifying tournament, our duplicate speeches became problematic.  When she spoke in a round before me, she got the better score, and vice versa.  The stakes were higher now, though, so I mentioned it to my coach again.  An investigation followed.  Ultimately, she was disqualified from the tournament.

Even so, the damage was done.  I place third in the tournament.  Again.

The  next year the pressure was on.  The season proved promising.  The national qualifying tournament proved promising.

In the finals round -- the round determining who would proceed to Nationals -- one of my three judges was the coach of the competitor I had outed the previous year.

I placed fourth.

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Here I am now, at the destination I so deeply aspired to all those years ago.  I've learned it's slightly easier to qualify in high school now.  The top three rather than the top two places go to Nationals.  Had this been the case back in the day, I would have gone as a sophomore and junior.  If that had occurred, would my life be much different than today?  Would I have chosen a different college, career, path?

I am here with my daughter, who is quite good.  I say this as a mom, of course, but also as a reporter of what many other people have said.  Nevertheless, I am throwing her to the wolves tomorrow when she competes in the middle school tournament.

She will perhaps learn that though these events have judges, justice is not guaranteed.  She might also learn that what others say is true -- she is indeed a gifted young woman.  Or she might have the chance to begin to learn that she is not what she does.  That accolades and accomplishments and awards are nice, but she is so much more than these things. That there are lovely portions of her that cannot be rewarded and often are not even recognized, except by those who can truly see.  Some that only God sees.

And I, her mom, am glad I am here.  Though it dredges up past disappointments and lessons, perhaps because it does so.  I am glad to be here while she lives her own story, regardless of the outcome.  Ready with a mom-hug either way.

Unexpected surprises

Someday, at the end of a school year, you might flip through your rough-and-tumble son's 4th grade math notebook and come across a few hidden surprises.  Like this:

And this:

And even this:

And you will cut out these unexpected gems and savor them.

Rough-and-Tumble Tea Lover

So, I've been repeatedly peer-pressured by my good friend, "Tea Girl," to start my own blog.  But I've been ambivalent for many reasons, some of which I will post soon (if I do in fact post soon).  Nevertheless, I carved out some time to write a guest blog on her site.  You'll find it below.  


Rough-and-Tumble Tea Lover

On my front porch are a pair of sour-smelling socks, a couple sets of old tennis shoes – also sour-smelling and still half wet – and an old empty trash can.  All are products of my son’s crawdad hunting excursion in the creek down the street.  Whenever a buddy visits, in between the rounds of video games, whenever I insist they find something outside to do, this is the beloved activity.

The floor of my son’s room is littered with Legos.  Actually, that sounds too refined.  It’s carpeted with Legos… and a layer of dust.  I insist he keep one section clear so that I can make it to and from his bed without stifling a curse word, and he insists I not move any Legos in the other areas.  (Because I myself have a deep love for Legos, I’m willing to go along with this plan.)  On his bedside table is a wad of gum almost golf-ball size.  It is a growing wad, added to periodically with freshly-chewed pieces.  Sometimes he chews the whole wad.  I pretend not to know.

As I type, he is teasing our lazy hound dog with a homemade contraption: a pair of football socks dangling by fishing line from the end of a long stick.  He hangs it over the sleeping dog’s face.  Soon the dog is jumping to grab the socks and shake them furiously.  The line breaks.  The dog goes for the stick.  My son goes for more fishing line.  I insist it’s time for bed.

And he insists it’s time for tea.   

I brew a pot of the fragrant tea sent to us last Christmas by our former German exchange student.  Who knows what’s in it – the ingredients are in German.  (Yes, you’re right. Germans know.)   It looks like leafy things with a few flowers and orange rinds.  It smells divine.  I don’t know if I’m brewing the tea correctly (someday I need an official lesson from Tea Girl – hint, hint), but I’ve devised some sort of improvisation that produces a slightly reddish and rather yummy brew.

I pour his in a Dave and Buster’s souvenir mug and add some honey.  Not enough honey if you ask him, but more than enough to feel extravagant to me.  And I add an ice cube and a straw. 

Mine, I drink straight, in a slightly chipped mug given to me by a dear friend.  I love this mug.  It feels silky (if a mug can feel that way) and meaningful, so much so I’m willing to continue using it despite the chip.  The chip, by the way, was acquired when I was sick and Rough-and-tumble tried to surprise me with a cup of tea.  He got the tea right (PG Tips brewed strong with a splash of 2% milk) and he finally remembered not to add sweetener.  But he clanked the mug down on the counter a little too hard leaving a permanent reminder of his good deed.

I carry the mugs up to his room along with a Dallas Willard book tucked under my arm.  He will read his book from the school library and I will read my book.  And we’ll sit together on his denim comforter and sip our tea.   As usual, this is his idea.

These times together give me hope.   Great hope.  Sometimes (often!) moms of rough-and-tumble boys need hope.  And it can be a little hard to come by.

Mr. Rough-and-Tumble imitating one of my favorite poses.

The world looks at rough-and-tumble and often they see disruptive-and-bad.  Heck, lots of times I look at rough-and-tumble and see wild-and-I-am-failing-as-a-mom.  But if I look further – and I try to do this often – I see creative-funny-intelligent-energetic and yes, even kind.  That he is a tea lover has to mean something, right?  That he chipped his sick mother’s mug while making her tea seems promising.   That he is choosing to spend the final moments of his day reading with his mom and sipping tea has got to count for something. 

(Okay, true confession:  what it counts for is reading minutes.  He is trying to rack up as many as possible for school.  If the entire school collects enough minutes, all the teachers will dress up as clowns.  And that he’s gotta see.  Apparently, school administrators understand rough-and-tumble too.)

In the meantime, I will sip and savor… the German tea, the company and the hope.